Is someone reading this blog of mine?

Just wondering...is someone actually reading these pages of mine??? There are profile views, moreover, are there readers???

death

People live, then die...we are born, be a kid, a teen, then old...lucky you if you are to reach super old with good strength...more or less, you and me need to die.

Am not a fan of death..who else does? I mean, back then, when am hurt or depressed, I kinda would want to die (emo days), moreover, facing continuous deaths in our family (yes, right..CONTINUOUS!) I can't help but ask, "WHY?" Why them? Why now? Why almost every month I have to say goodbye to my relatives?

I don't know what to feel anymore. I want to be mad but I can't blame God: Let His will be done right? And who am I ask to question His will? I guess I should be numb, which would be unfair...

I am bruised, cut...I am in pain. I need some answers...

Yes

Been hammering myself that I should be this and that: I want to be the bread winner, my parents proud of me, establish my own name, be different from other, and etc. I became ambitious...monster ambitious!

I resigned from my previous works thinking that I can do better (4 resignations in 2011): career suicide it is.
I spend so much than is what worth of me: I have credits that are still unpaid up to date and it is depressing.
I pretended that I am okay though deep down I am bleeding.
Played with emotions; manipulated people so I can gain from them, so evil of me.

My life seriously been a roller coaster ride for these past few months or should I say, since after graduation. They say that to have a dream is good; "Dreams within our heart will guide and inspire us." Moreover, I miss-interpreted it and made my dreams to control me and not the other way around. I changed a lot. Jessie became the worst of herself and I hated myself for that.

Sleepless nights, months of wandering around, and drinking. I have no one to turn too. Or should I say, I didn't allow any one to save me from my miseries. I was blinded by my ambitions and it ate me alive.

I became weak. Baby like that needs to be cuddled and assured that everything will be alright. My family was puzzled and shocked when they saw me cry. Everyone thought that I am strong as steel, but I am not. All the dreams that didn't came to reality, the pressure to be the Jessie that I wanted to be and the incidents (Someone was shot and killed right in front of me, 3 deaths in our family this 2011 and seeing my Aunt battling with cancer everyday) that slapped the hell out of me came crashing without anything to shield me.

I was asked, not only once, "What happened to you? You were fun back then and now...?" My answer, SHIT HAPPENS, LIFE HAPPEN! WRONG! Should have been, SHIT HAPPENS, JESSIE HAPPEN!

Now, am starting a new. I want to be redirected. How? I don’t know…All I know now is I am giving everything up to God. I am tired of planning my life. I guess it is about time that I let God’s plan be done and me just to be and play on it. It is time for me to give in and swallow my pride.

“Tired but not giving up...Everything happens for a reason and surely, God will always provide! :))”

Dead Air

‎I hear myself crying, yet no tears are falling...Am I still human or just pretending to be one??? Am screaming loud and wild, WHY, WHY, WHY???!!!

Seems like forever since my last blog...lot had happened...politics,gadgets,personal life etc..funny how the world evolved this past few months...and it happen so freaking fast :))

I turned 21which is a pain for me..am growing old haha.noynoy still a stupid puppet on his seat..bin ladden is dead, good job obama..and ipad2 is now out in the market...woooWww

anyhow,first things first...i have a new job..am not head over heels about it.idk..am not that psych given that i'll be leaving my first company and my family in cts. Ironic it is cause for this past months am cursing my stand with cts and now that am free and with a new company, am now doubting the decision and career move i had made. How hard it is to start over again. What if am not good with this new path of mine? What if my new officemates wouldn't be my buddies as what i have created with cts? Now am really hating cts for placing me to this course. Am most willing to stay with you guys...all am asking is a fair compensation and you can't give it. I hate you for letting me go :((

to be continued...e

LBM

LBM = Looking for better management...

I love my company, i super do. My officemates are my family here yet it is not enough for me to stay..it's time to go... it took me sometime to decide on which is which...am not good at goodbyes...

my company sucks! and i know they know it yet they didn't do anything to improve their shits... hayst

job hunting, goodluck! :)

Budget Cut

just wondering why on earth the budget cut for education, specifically for the state universities and colleges pushed through??? and why an additional 10 million to pork barrels??? i just can't see the logic of it...

education as we all know is one of the many basic right of an individual, and depriving one to be involved in such is unjust. the budget cut would deprive not only hundreds but more so millions of aiming and aspiring filipino youth to uplift their life and to help our country boom full potential to compete intelectually with the world.

the president's reason for cutting such budget is that the focus of education must be given to elementary and high school. now the quesion is,if giving importance to the other level of education, why neglect the other? why not give the equal for each and every step? how is the flow of success will continue if in latter part it will be bumpy and cutted through?

why not the budget for other stuffs are the one to be cutted and not that of education? likewise, why not suspend the additional millions of pesos to pork barrels???just a suggestion...

what is more fulfilling than seeing all of your people held their diplomas up high? hayst...