Jessie's World

Jessie's World

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

When you Hit Rock Bottom Shit

*Found this on my notes. Last year is really rock bottom shit for me. 2017 kicked me multiple times and in all aspect of my life.

At 27, I lost my job. Whose fault it is? Mine. Ignorant decision making, trusted wrong people, outburst of emotion and of course, ego. I am wrong yet, i stand not to be corrected; to shamed to admit it. Am i a bad ass? Nope! I am stupid and now I am walking to the consequences—

Last two weeks til’ this date, i can’t sleep properly. I will wake up every hour and frustrated to check my e-mails to see if one company replies to my sent work intent. But there is none. Everyday is an emotional roller coaster ride; every time the clock hits 3pm, it is already a disappointment. (Office hours are done, so, no can do for a job offer call) My phone now is always at loud, hoping someone will give me a ring—

I avoided and avoiding people. I received messages and just ignores it. In times like this, I’ve realized that people aren’t actually concern with you but, rather, would like to get “news” which they can spread out through the community. As if I am a fuckin’ celebrity and my professional heartbreak is a front page full coloured print out tabloid worthy.

I went to numerous interviews. Talking non-stop; trying to impress people but controlling myself not to beg for a job. Expensive day to day. Uber here, Bahrain taxi there. It is just exhausting and yes, still after some time, I am empty handed. No job offer.

I try to plan things. Option after option. What will be next for me? What will bring back my angst just to be me, again. I am a warrior and tried to live as such as one. Tough me, i am the boss for long and never will i allow it to be lowered.

My standard of life. My professional ethique. What will be next now?

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Short Term Eye for Success- Job Hopper Me

During my first year of employment, I attended tons of interviews— actively searching for a “change”. One of the HR guy questioned me and it absolutely marked: “How do you see yourself 5 years from now in the company?” My answer, a long pause and an awkward smile. My thought is, never to stay to a company that long. It will be dreadful to do same stuffs over and over thru the years.

Years had passed and still the same perspective i have. I can’t last that long to a job. My maximum employment history is of 2 years and 5 months. I ask myself, what’s wrong with me?

I get bored easily. I always crave for what’s next and for more challenges. I hate routine and i am uncomfortable being mandated by the norms.

I don’t have retirement plans. I live only by the moment and that moment is to satisfy my urge for further success; professional labels and nothing else.

Is it wrong? Yes, I admit. I guess it is a “millenial” thing that I am brought up with the mentality of I can do and be anything I want hence, I always keep testing my waters. It is not easy but, as weird as it is, I am satisfied.

Funny that people all over recognizes me from “somewhere” just because I have worked almost “everywhere”. 

One company to the other; grade levels up and down. There will be no stability yet, there is fondness with it. Why am I patronizing this mentality? 

I am just laughing with my own stupidness. 

Don’t be like me. Don’t be like Jessie 😂 

And yes, right now, after 4 months of being employed by my current company, I am planning on resigning 🤨🤨🤨

Monday, April 24, 2017

Welcome Back to Me!

I started this blog when I was in college. And, looking back to all my posts, I can really say that man, I got a tough and stupid life back then. (smh😑) Seriously, all about frustrations, heart breaks, emotional dilemmas and so on and so forth. I wonder why I didn't end up crazy with all those shits? haha.

Anyhow, fast forward to year 2017, I guess I am a little more mature (hell yeah) and have a stronger perspective about life, career, love and whatever factor there is in my life. With all that said, I am claiming again this page. I will be updating it from time to time and hopefully will be able to write and share more useful and witty thoughts about anything under the sun.

To my readers (haha assuming me--- I know you are still out there). Please don't give up on me. I know I've been AWOL for the past years (but the stats says people are still checking this page! Yay!) Let's explore the world together and share the joyous life of writing :)

And oh, I am still in the process of editing my page. So, pardon the lay-out and awful colors (the before page is childish, I know!) Just hang in there, I promise, it will be good.


Cigarette, a stick which consist nicotine, carbon monoxide, acrolein and etc. For non-smokers, it is simply an annoying item that produces awful smoke that may harm their health. For smokers (am a member of the club), a substance that makes us relax, entertained and let us not think shits for few minutes.

Smoking cigar has been long part of human history. Since its invention on the 9th century, people seems to be addicted to it. There are huge markets of cigarettes; may it be from the 3rd world, class up to the finest societies there are. Monopolies left and right; ruling the society not to ban such product even though its campaigns airs that it is injurious to health.

So what do we, I, gain from smoking? See, before, I also hated smoking and smokers. I tried it before, during my high school days due to peer pressure but never I got hooked to it. It is disgusting for me. I am actually irritated by those individuals that smokes and one way or the other, I uttered judgment to them (not knowing soon I will be puffing also). Years passed, college came then during my first years as a young professional; parties, meetings and all, still, I didn't smoked---at all. I will just grab a stick and smell it; no lighting it up. I am contented.

Fast forward, I worked to health and wellness company and irony it is, everyone smokes. Meetings will be done on the smoking area. The executives will discuss stuffs to you at the smoking area. If I pass one smoke invite, I will loose business essentials. So there I was, forced to smoke just to be efficient with work. And as they say, the rest is history.

From 2 sticks a day to come 5 and then more when I am drinking; bunch more if restless days comes.

*** OMG. I actually don't know how to continue this one. After almost two years, only now I've logged back :) Oh well, anyhow, will still just post it. haha

Friday, August 21, 2015


Mind over Matter --- Fails when your Heart is Stupid. This is something I couldn't argue more with. Everyone of us, in some point in our life, our heart, though not as intelligent enough, won over our rational and logical mind. We, I, became stupid myself. Stupid enough that I ask, "How dumber more it will get?"

I don't know if love should be considered a gift at this point in my life. More like, it is a curse where I hurt myself deeper and deeper. The more I care, the more I will be wounded. The more shit I try to take, the crappier the outcome will be. It is the total opposite of the fairy tales I grew up with.

They say, if you are hurt, it is not love; what is it then? If love doesn't require to be hurt, then why millions of people cry over it? Is it all along that everyone's concept of love is wrong? What is true love then? What is the kind of love that wouldn't allow any tears (hurt per se)?

I mean, God loves us. He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, to save humanity. In such, I therefore assumed, He is hurt by what He did. So in that instance, is it love or not? When my parents disciplined us when we were kids, they physically and verbally hurt us. Does it mean they didn't love me? When my friends do stupid things and ended up me being hurt, does it also mean our relationship is not based on love or there is no love at all?

How do we decode love and not ending to be nuisance about everything? 

Fuck Philippine Customs

Why do you need to open our Balikbayan boxes? Such a shame that you guys doesn't have your own X-Ray machines to do the scannings (i don't know kung meron bang available and kung meron man, inadmit nyo na na hindi ito reliable), that's why, you are letting the fuck*ng corrupts to touch and handle the items that OFWs worked hard for. Nakakahiya naman sa inyo! Wawasakin nyo ung box, bubulatlatin niyo, tapos may mga mawawalang gamit. E di wow! Kayo na ang gobyerno!
If something/s wrong with any of the boxes, don't you think it is more ethical to call the owner and discuss it to them first rather than ransacking directly their balikbayan boxes?
Wala ba kayong mas advance na way para makita ang mga laman ng mga boxes kesa babuyin niyo? Ang daming isyu sa customs; ang daming buwaya. Minsan bubuksan mga boxes kahit wala namang isyu. Ang daming mawawala na mga gamit---madalas signatured brands pa kinukuha.
Some OFWs are abusing the priviledge na walang taxes ang pagpapadala kaya dinadamihan pero, di pa ba sapat ung pera na pinapadala namin sa mga pamilya namin sa pinas na meron ding kaltas para sa gobyerno para pagbigyan o palampasin naman ung mga regalo na from abroad with love na binili?
Mas mura mamili sa ibang bansa, no doubt dahil hindi gahaman mga gobyerno nila sa sandamakmak na patong ng taxes. Ok lang naman na magbayad kami ng taxes, basta may nakikitang patutunguhan. Bagsak na nga ekonomiya, kagaling niyo pa mambwisit. Kayo na talaga Da Best!
Kesa mga small time na balikbayan boxes pinagtritripan nyo, try nyo kaya ung mga big time na smugglers? Oh shit, i forgot, mas malaki nga pala silang maglagay ng under the table kesa sa mga OFW na kagaya namin! Nakakahiya talaga sa inyo! Pesteng mga buwakaw na buwaya kayo!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

My Horrible Bosses

I am an employee for 5 years now and through out those years, I have been jumping from one work to the other. People tell me that there's no perfect working place, more so, find something that is of worth doing. At some point I've done things that I actually thought was at my league. I had fun from those days and that, nevertheless, I ended up resigning. Why? Because of--- Horrible Boss(es).

What's a horrible boss as per (me), employee's point of view?
  1.  Someone who doesn't give a Fuck Boss- All of us prepares ourselves to come to work. Waking up early, having a good breakfast, dressing up what we think best fits our aura for the day and hurried ourselves so to be on the dot to report. But, as the moment I arrived, there he is, my dearly beloved boss who doesn't have a single "Good" in his morning. Face crumpled and arms crossed---immediately asking, "Have you finished this and that?" I need it now." --- Asshole. A simple greeting wouldn't hurt or at least give me 5 mins to settle down to my table before you ask for the project which supposedly yours but you assigned to me.
  2. The "I don't believe you Boss"- Rainy season it is and as everyone experienced, rain means flooding and jam packed roads. I readied myself for a world war 3 from my condo to work. Excruciating 2 hours travel it is and I arrived 15 mins late. And there it goes, the litany of that bitch about being a professional. Okay, agreed. I should've not been late. I knew that rain would be there so I should've hit the road earlier than usual. The next day (cause of the rain and I cruised the flood), I was sick. I called and e-mailed the bitch about my day status and instead of showing affection, she replied, "Another excuse. I also experienced the same yesterday and I am well." So I just messaged back, "Am glad you are well. As per me, I am currently being examined for possible leptospirosis." I am human, not a robot. Everyone gets sick and that is the day for me. Who wants to be sick? I don't want...aside from work which is filed- up, a day's deduction from my salary and allowance will be made. Who will be happy with that?
  3. No Vacation / Holiday allowed Boss- No explanation needed for this kind of boss. He is the Christmas Grinch; the one who doesn't celebrate anything. It is just about work, work, work and no pleasure. You already left work but he will constantly call you and be asking for an "update" about work status. If only I have no respect, I would've said, "Work is fine as I left it nicely on my desk. I am constipated right now due to non-stop eating and drinking. Cheers! Get a life!."
  4. The Digit Conscious Boss- The one whose happiness is if only the productivity/ sales figures are good. If not, you are nothing. Today he would clap for you, the next, he will be treating you like an imbecile. Push more...push more!---The F, next push more and I will be seriously punching you! Have you ever asked how am I doing? Like in the last months I, my team, have been spending god knows how many hours just to achieve the target/s? Have you ever considered our current state? I am, we are, almost zombie like and, all you think of are those numbers. Then the jack-ass, when I cried, told me, "Your over times are being paid so what's your issue?" Here's the money, shove it to your ass and be happy!
  5. The Stalking your Profile (FB, Twitter, Instagram) / Personal Life Boss- So social networks are made to socialize and being part of the new generation, more or less, all things are posted in my profile. I don't know with others, but for me, yes it is. So there...after I posted any fun status(es), the next morning I am caught with an awkward informal coffee session with my lame boss saying blahs and blahs. My professional life is far different from my social life. If you see me posting alcohol and others does not mean I will be coming to work drunk and messed up. As long as my work is not being jeopardized, why be bothered about the things that I do? If you are affected much, then don't follow me--- I un-friend and blocked him once and I received a query on why I did such. Weirdo.
  6. The Boss who wants his Ass to be Kissed and Licked, ALL THE TIME- Yes sir, I, we know, you are in your position right now because you have excelled in some ways that I, us, couldn't do (at this moment). Please don't train me to be someone I am not. Rate me as per my performance and not as how I treat you with words that we both know are just to fool and satisfy you. I will not pretend and laugh at your stupid jokes. I will not say I agree with your demeaning policy/s. I don't like you as a person but I need to deal with you at work; That's it. I rejected attending your parties cause' I know it would just be about you all night. I couldn't stand that. I couldn't be a leech... I just cannot.
  7. The I am Perfect Boss and Embracing All the Credit- She is the bitch that doesn't need the opinion/s of her team but is transferring all the work loads to them and taking the credit for all. She gathered everyone for a briefing, mentioned how difficult the task was. One by one, everyone suggested what needs to be done--- where in between the talks she inserted how good she is and from what school she finished courses and how such she is an achiever. The supposed 30mins turned out 4 hours. Thank you so much for wasting our time. During the project run, she has been out from time to time and all are left to us. But when deadline comes, she is like the glorious queen. She did most of the work she says. Okay fine, a round of applause to you miss bitch.
    More years for me to work before I could be a "boss" so I guess there will still be add-on to herein list :) To be continued...